Wow. 5 years of marriage and two disclaimers:
1. If someone had told me that I would be married and have a child, I would have told them there is no truth to that statement.
2. If I knew what marriage looked like, perhaps I would have never gotten married.
I am someone who believes in nature, and that goes for human attributes: natural intelligence, natural abilities, natural talents. But the truth is, this is never enough. Work is and will always be needed.
Marriage demands and requires work. Marriage brings all your flaws and issues to your face and gives you no choice but to face them and work on them.
Love itself is never enough in marriage. Marriage FORCES you to look at yourself and ask if you are the best version of yourself. Not only for yourself but for the people who in a way depend on you, namely your spouse and your children. Marriage is like an echo chamber. You get what you give. And it spits at you a harsh truth: YOU ARE NOT PERFECT, even if in your mind you think you are.
Marriage forces you to reflect, to take accountabilities for your actions, and responsibilities for your faults. It exposes the ugliest parts of you that you hide from the world. When you live with someone 24/7, at some point all of you are out in the open. That’s where your vulnerability is exposed and there is nowhere to hide. You’re confronted with yourself, and here you are, with your back against the wall, with no alternatives but to do the work, of bettering yourself. For your sake and that of your partner, and the world even.
Our five years of marriage have seen the best of the best, and the worst of the worst, and yet here we are today. We made a conscious decision to be present, to be here with each other, it makes sense to us. We’re not naive, we’re perfectly aware today that this is never meant to be smooth sailing, but it is certainly meant to be a journey, a teaching one. One that will eventually lead to the bettering of ourselves as partners but more specifically as individuals. I’m grateful for that journey.